Aka PORKCHOPS
Under normal circumstances, I would have preferred to watch the foundational entry before indulging in a given sequel. But due to time and availability constraints, it simply wasn’t possible for me to get acquainted with the hog headed maniac, affectionately referred to as Porkchop, in his first outing – a movie called PORKCHOP believe it or not. Alas for me, it was straight onto seconds as it were for the next meaty episode from writer and director Eamon Hardiman in PORKCHOP II Rise of the Rind!
After a traditional slasher movie pre-credit slaughter to get us started, the narrative proper starts with disgruntled teenager Simon Robertson (Sam Qualiana) being driven by his parents to begin a new life in the country due to financial reasons. To suggest Simon is not a fan of this upheaval is something of an understatement which is confirmed by his "…its probably full of Redneck rapists!" tirade when asked to stay positive.
But his discontent doesn’t last long. Forced to walk the final leg of the journey due to his negative attitude, he is jokily accosted by a cute girl sporting a homemade pig’s mask. Meg (Angela Pritchard) explains her "bitchslap greeting" by quickly enlightening Simon about the legend that is Porkchop. The two teens immediately hit it off (even indulging in a spontaneously surreal musical interlude!) before exploring a mysterious barn together.
After getting rumbled by Burt Fleming (Brian Gunnoe) and his sidekick Teddy (Bill Harrison), it transpires that Porkchop is more than just a myth. The tragic childhood incident of being forced to eat his cherished pet pig, Wilbur (via some delicious bacon no less!), sent him over the edge and now he seeks revenge for his pet piglet’s murder by butchering anyone who dares enter his woods.
It soon becomes apparent that Simon is struggling to gain acceptance at his new school, which leads to Meg hatching a plan of throwing a party and inviting the high school fraternity. Could a house filled with drunken horny teens be just the recipe the serial killing Porkchop has been hankering for?!
Just to clear something up (or confuse things further) the DVD cover refers to the movie as PORKCHOP II, Rise of the Rind; but the opening titles opt to label the movie as PORKCHOPS. From here on in I shall be referring to the picture as PC2. So with the actual title of the movie clear as mud, let me state that if EVER the concept of a zero budget classic exists, then PC2 is surely it!
Although the movie only lasts 70 or so minutes, its frenzied contents more than compensate for such a diminutive run time.
Admittedly the picture is never going to win any honours in the field of special effects as the opening pre-credit sequence demonstrated. When two impulsive young lesbian lovers’ flagrant indulgence is rudely interrupted by a double impalement at the hands (or should that be trotters?) of Porkchop, the vicious punctures occur frustratingly out of frame. As for the intestinal innards that get extracted, they unconvincingly resembled flat rubber tubing.
But as the movie progressed, the flamboyance of the killings, along with the quality of the effects, improved greatly. Yes they were far too zany to be deemed as realistic (bong entering the mouth and jutting through the cranium carrying the mashed brain as a memento anyone?) but at least were appropriate for such a screwball venture into horror. Adam Edwards, the special FX guru on the project, fashioned my personal favourite death with his collapsing head wrapping around the bark of a tree trunk illusion. Bravo sir!
The movie is slanted toward gory comedy as opposed to a cheap horror movie laced with humour and the cast go way beyond simply delivering silly one liners in an attempt to coerce a giggle or two. Brian Gunnoe, who plays Burt Fletcher, was a joy to behold whenever he exposed his tobacco stained teeth with his 100 mile an hour hillbilly rattling. Then there was Angela Pritchard’s portrayal of Meg which was engagingly droll and hugely watchable throughout.
But the stand out comedy sequence of the whole movie had to be the brilliantly staged family’s appeal for their "missing daughter" on the local TV news channel. It made me cry with laughter! I don’t mean that as a metaphor, neither do I mean that I had quaint droplets building in my eyes. I mean I had actual puddles forming on my face as megalithic streams of tears ferociously pissed out of my tear ducts! Yes folks – take that to mean I found the scene hilarious!
The DVD comes with a few extras, one of which was the feature length commentary track. After enjoying the movie so much, I was really looking forward to listening to it but unfortunately found it to be somewhat of a let-down. It started off promisingly enough as writer, director and all round Porkchop originator Eamon Hardiman, played moderator and was joined at the Empty Glass bar in Charleston West Virginia by a healthy number of cast and crew; Brian Gunnoe who played Burt Fleming, Brendan Rainey (Rich), Adam Edwards special FX, Bill Harrison (Teddy) and Lauren Landers one of the lesbian hitchhikers, were all in attendance. But it proved to be one of the shoddiest commentaries I have ever toiled with!
For a start, Hardiman actually conceded that some of the microphones were not working properly early on in the track. I found myself straining my ears trying to make out what was being said at times. On top of that and (again acknowledged by the director), the timing of the soundtrack was "Way off". Basically it meant they were referring to scenes that they could see but we couldn’t. Because of this (and after ordering "…another pitcher") they simply gave up talking about specific scenes and simply started discussing the intricate motivations of various characters instead.
A far more worthy ‘extra’ would possibly have been a few short interviews with the aforementioned group.
Then there was a 53 minute "Making off" segment. While it was mildly amusing in places, the overall impression was that of clumsily filmed excerpts spliced together from an ‘on set’ video diary rather than a structured insight into the movies edifice.
Finally there was a trailer chapter showcasing various contemporary exploitation pictures including the original PORKCHOP. So all in all, a cracking movie, whose 70 minutes of mayhem could easily warrant multiple viewings. Just a pity the DVD package was let down slightly by the extras tasting of crackling rather than slow cooked pork!
Will I be seeking out the first movie? You bet your apple sauce munching ass I will!
Review by Marc Lissenburg
Released by INDEPENDENT ENTERTAINMENT |
Region 1 - NTSC |
Not Rated |
Extras : |
see main review |