In a manner typical of Seduction Cinema - and perfectly indicative of where this film is headed - KINKY KONG opens with budding filmmaker Seymour Ass (John Fedele, VAMPIRE VIXENS) filming the lovely Charlina (Darian Cane, NIKOS THE IMPALER) as she does a sexy striptease dance for the camera. But Seymour isn't happy with the end result and runs into the street wondering if "Francis Ford Scorsese ever got this depressed?".
Cut the opening credits, and more nubile girls dancing semi-naked for the Hell of it. Not that I'm complaining, you understand.
Moving swiftly onwards, the fast-talking, potently flatulent Seymour hires a yacht and determines to head out to sea to make his next epic film. Alas, his producer (a cameo from director John Bacchus) has bad news - Seymour's female lead has pulled out of the shoot.
Ever the opportunist, Seymour wastes no time in taking to the streets in search of a new star. It's not long before he happens upon the curvy Fanny Sparrow (Sabrina Faire), who he spies stealing a dildo from a mobile sex stall. Back at Seymour's place, Fanny auditions for the role (well, dances while stripping for a good 5 minutes) and subsequently gets the job.
Aboard Seymour's yacht, Fanny soon befriends her co-star Charlina as they take a trip below deck for a spot of consensual spanking - followed by, you guessed it, more dancing and stripping.
But just when you think this is turning into an equally long-winded (albeit much more entertaining) version of Peter Jackson's snooze-fest, Seymour sits his cast and crew down to clue them in on where they're heading and why. He's set sail for Bone Island, where a legendary giant gorilla is said to roam.
With dreams of capturing the ape on camera, Seymour and his crew make it to the island and are met by a native tribe. Initially hostile, the tribe warm to the filmmakers when they disclose that they, too, are making a soft-core flick - with their local beauty, Brunhilda (A J Khan, SEXY ADVENTURES OF VAN HELSING). Naturally, both parties agree to work together on achieving a common objective.
But before long (although not before Khan has had time to perform a gratuitous pole-dance), Brunhilda and Fanny have been snatched by the permanently aroused Kong (Dan Schwab, PLAY-MATE OF THE APES).
From hereon in, the plot is as you'd expect - Kong falls for the women (or at least their ample breasts), fights with a rubber T-Rex, gets captured and taken to the USA, etc.
All of which happens in a brisk 73 minutes. Thank God.
If fart gags, asides to the camera, camp gay characters and the sight of the gorilla in a huge nappy sound rib-tickling to you ... you'll love this. It is, without a doubt, the lowest in lowbrow humour. Done on the cheapest budget imaginable.
Having said that, there are a few aspects of KINKY KONG that are curiously agreeable. The acting is so furiously energetic that it's hard not to succumb to the mindless enthusiasm onscreen. And while the blue-screen effects are painfully inept, they are possibly the funniest thing about the entire production.
Brett Piper (director of SHOCK-O-RAMA and SCREAMING DEAD) provides some enjoyably cheesy sub-Harryhausen monster FX, while the fact that a 73-minute film contains what must amount to 40 minutes of striptease dances can hardly be a bad thing ...?
The screener disc initially sent for review was the R-rated version of the movie, with a card enclosed offering a free upgrade to the unrated DVD. The extras listed below belong to the R-rated version of the film.
Extras include a decent commentary track from the film's producer (and Seduction's main man) Michael Raso, in conversation with Henry from the Freak Forum website. It's an informative chat, and not the cringe-inducing gag fest you'd expect. Raso takes his job very seriously and is genuinely proud of the end product.
A 3-minute behind-the-scenes montage is too brief to be of any real worth, but at least offers a few bloopers.
There's several trailers on offer, including the original trailer for KINKY KONG plus the likes of SHOCK-O-RAMA, SPIDERBABE and the intriguing CHAINSAW SALLY (co-starring Herschel Gordon Lewis and Gunnar Hansen).
Rounding out the extras are some well-written liner notes by Andrew Shearer, focusing on the history of Seduction's foray into soft-core Hollywood parodies.
Having seen the unrated version (thanks Al!), the film is largely the same - albeit several minutes longer. The main difference is that whenever people cavort stripper-style in the R-rated cut ... this time round they get in, soft-core style. We get to see plenty of shaven beavers in the unrated cut (it's just boobs and backsides in the alternative version), and there's a few more male characters getting jiggy with the girls - not to mention a very impressive lesbian romp on the boat!
The unrated disc also features an exclusive commentary from the entertaining Fedele.
By now you'll have an idea of whether you're likely to love or hate KINKY KONG. Either way, Seduction Cinema have delivered what's come to be expected of them - both in terms of film and disc ...
Review by Stu Willis
|Released by Seduction Cinema|
|Region All - NTSC|
|see main review|